1. On Their Eightieth Birthday
dedicated to the Governor of Arizona
His aunt thinks she's a tapestry?
-First she thought she was a Tapir,
then a pole. I stuffed a butt plug in her mouth,
but she asked for a loincloth.
She fell in love with my skin, wanted to peel
it, peel me-Our lady of the Broken Condoms,
Latina Americana gringa wanna be
with the sagging implants.
What was he doing with gunpowder in his pockets?
-You know why he wears those tight pants!
Yeah, but if you stare at his tray
he calls you every urban word he ever learned
from Justin Timberlake.
-He needs to go back to school
before he bad-mouth's me.
Jell and visits to the hairdresser
twice a month to put on those caramel
highlights... metro-sexual? Mmm, I don't think so.
snap-snap - zip-zip
-She empties his wallet
before he puts on those condoms every time.
Dumbass gringo wanna be.
-Um-hum, like Osvaldo Del Rio!
No, that's the Puerto Rican Actor
that beats up his women.
You know who I'm talking about,
that Mexican guy from Univision,
Fernando Del Rincon.
He can brush his hair back all he wants,
he still looks like a mestizo.